It began in the late 80's with a feeling that I had to get ready for a great journey and adventure, that I would one day leave and never look back. All that has happened to me took place spontaneously and without my effort. It was all I could do to go with it. The only message I got from the above was to trust and go with the flow. So, I ended up, from a deep inner urging, over a few years, to let go of all my possessions and relationships. Having had a near death experience at the age of five, I was drawn to the paranormal, supernatural and metaphysical and in my 20's began a serious delving into deep metaphysical training and activation.
In January of '93 I experienced, without at all understanding it at the time, the activation of the kundalini at the base of my spine. This took place spontaneously and without planning or even knowing that it happened. People ask how it came about and all I can say is that it activated from an emotionally and psychologically deeply traumatic body memory that surfaced after some intense body work. The kundalini worked in my root chakra for four years and I experienced a restructuring of my life and came onto my "path" and began doing my energy work as I was called to it. I began to be divinely directed in a forceful way and lost much of free will. I set out on my journey across many lands.
SELF - REALIZATION:
In January of '95 I was in Hawaii and happily fell into satsang, which at the time was more like a social event for me than anything. I didn't know anything about anything of spiritual things at that time. Happily I joined the questioning and with the teacher's help, directing my attention, I Realized instantaneously. It was familiar, and I felt that I had been here many times all my life. I understood much later that the first recognition of Self had tken place at the age of five. Little did I know, right then, that that was Self - Realization, sought by so many, and I went happily on my way to the cafe for my afternoon coffee. But people began responding to me after that in ways that overwhelmed me, surprised me and confused me, saying they really liked my energy. People all of a sudden were drawn to me and did strange things around me, like falling into trance and saying I emitted a scent like really good incense when I slept and many more things. All these people didn't know of my experience of Self, my glimpse of the Absolute. I felt very intimidated by it all and withdrew. As it turns out, catching a glimpse of Absolute Reality creates an opening in the mind through which light begins to shine in and shine down upon a person. A steady pouring in of light into ones reality in matter. A complete purification of mind, then emotions, then body, then life style began that took several years. Then the light began again, now a transformation of mental body, then emotional body, then physical body on an energetic level and then the transformation of ones physical life which also takes many years. A total rewiring, fundamentally, without effort, just an automatic alchemical change, as to make possible the establishing of divine reality in the manifest. (Yeah, I know, sounds like too much.)
KUNDALINI RISING AND GOD - UNION / SAMADHI:
The kundalini moved up into my second chakra and began to rearrange my life dealing with creativity and sexuality. I entered a time of powerful sexual healing and began surprisingly to spontaneously write poetry. This time was also a time of intense burning of karma. I felt like I was in the fire every second of every day and one day it was just done. After three years the kundalini entered my solar plexus and I entered a time of getting to know myself as a human. I got to know what I like and what I dislike and what I want and what I don't want. I got to know myself as a person, got to know what I was all about. During this time, also three years, I was contemplating the things that I had read about spiritual saints in India; nectarous bliss, amrita, divine love, rapture, ecstasy and many other things that I hadn't at all experienced. So far the Self - Realization hadn't given me anything but emptiness, a hollowness and I wished to know more about the sweetness and ease that I assumed was to follow Realization. Spontaneously, out of doing nothing, I entered samadhi. All of a sudden, for several weeks, I experienced an intense shaking up of my energetic wiring. I would lay down and fall unconscious for many hours, several days in a row. Then one day, energetically, I was literally just dissolved into the Great Whole, my drop reached the ocean. It occurred in three steps, on three different days, within one week, stages of being absorbed into the One, where my auric patterns collapsed into the Universal grid. I broke down and finished and was sucked into the Absolute. Then in one swoop the Great Whole, the One, entered my body, filled my form. I even heard; "swoosh". It was, it turned out, Union, God - Union, full merger with the Absolute, energetically and literally; absorption. Yet another stage in the transformational process. And then I attracted my second teacher.
DIVINE MOTHER CONSCIOUSNESS:
This man's incredibly powerful shakti assisted me in an ever faster transformation that took me through so many experiences that I have written about in 20 articles on spiritual enlightenment on one of my websites listed in the side bar; Divine Mother consciousness, no mind, freedom from suffering, ego death, shakti turning into grace, the power of the blessing force and so many more things. I didn't have to see him very often, at times once a year was more than enough. Just being in, dwelling in and living in his tremendous field of grace, always being surrounded by it, always being touched by it and saturated by it, did all the work; forcefully supporting this alchemical transformation and assisting the kundalini. One remarkable alteration was when my consciousness entered the realm of the Divine Mother, which is a whole other realm than God - explosively, massively beyond ... exultingly inexplicable. The primary Absolute manifestation. The abundance, sweetness and light made the god realm seem dull, limited, plain.
DIVINE HEART AND BEAUTY:
The Kundalini moved into the heart chakra and activated the Divine Heart which began to radiate a golden orb through and around my body. I began to feel such rapture, euphoria and intense Love. Everything became perfectly beautiful. Every single thing was made of beauty. I could see that all matter was fundamentally saturated with beauty, glowed beauty, was perfect beauty, the molecules were bathed in beauty. I loved everything intensely. The kundalini moved through my heart and throat and third eye pretty much simultaneously and in the summer of 'O5 during a gentle meditation I felt an eruption of light shoot out of the top of my head and next I saw an emerald green serpent exit my third eye about two inches in front of my head, and it stayed there for a couple of days. I emailed a friend who was meditating in the Himalayas and asked him about it, since I had no clue at the time, and he said it was the kundalini and then I finally began to learn about it.
In March of '07 the kundalini reached my crown chakra and activated the inherent, until then dormant, Divine Light that resides there. It was an explosive and amazing experience. Truly radiant!!! Light of such extreme immensity began to descend all around me and fill my chakras and spread like a supernova. I was nauseous and dizzy for days and had to sway back and forth to assist in the great descent of pure Light all around me and through me. It was tremendously powerful and has reorganized all awareness, brought all spiritual experiences and understanding into One Whole, into Perfect Brilliant Oneness. THIS WAS EN-LIGHT-ENMENT TO ME. And now - L O V E.
A year after that I experienced full absorption into the Great Light. Also written about on my blog. Will, desire and focus on the future have been the last things to leave me. Empathically thought pollution still affects me some. Having had time to adjust to the culmination of the kundalini in the crown chakra has been really essential. The things that supported me the most all along the way were solitude, stillness and a lot of silence which came about naturally in my life as it just unfolded that way even though I lived in the Hollywood hills, which was my mountain top. Practising yoga every day, especially child's pose which I did a lot spontaneously, helped with the spine. I felt drawn to yoga intuitively years before I knew of the kundalini. Spending time in nature, close to nature and close to plants have helped something tremendously. All this time, over many years, all the things that most people take for granted in their lives were seriously placed on the back burner for me by the powers that be, and all I got to do was to experience all of this, tumultuously, without as much distractions as possible from the external world, which didn't please me. At the end of it, I was made by life to spend all my time during ten months under one single giant tree. Yes, really!! Even my bedroom was under this giant tree. Then I was shipped to just outside of Sedona where I had the good fortune to be placed on a piece of property with perfectly serene and sacred energies. There I was pretty much isolated from the world for another ten months. A very balancing time, resting up from the tumultuousness. In the fall of '09 I had a spontaneous powerful pituitary activation that sent me in that same moment into Sahaja samadi: full and permanent Oneness.
SUCH A JOURNEY:
This all for me has been an unexpected, extraordinary, unusual and fantastic spiritual journey that transpired over the period of the past 16 years. I didn't consciously and directly choose it and I couldn't get out of it once it had begun. The kundalini rising can be very tumultuous and chaotic in the total rearranging of ones life, awareness and consciousness and it was more than turbulent for me. The chaos was always bringing loss. My whole life I have experienced many things that would "break me" and each time, I found I could see deeper into the mysteries. All things, everything that everyone else take for granted in their lives, was taken from me over and over and each time, the loss being complete, deep openings occurred in my mind, cracking it, blowing it aside. Each time, over and over again, I was aware of the removing of parts of my being human, every particle of "me". Moving through all the stages of the shaman's perspective and out on the other side. Creation, with all its particles and spaces and the essence flowing through it all, became apparent and beautiful.
And now; dissolved, merged with the Absolute, absorbed into the One, merged with the Great Light; fundamentally, energetically, cellularly, molecularly rewired and transformed; quaking euphoria and rapturous bliss, the atoms saturated completely, glow the divine Light. Love shines.
AND HERE I AM:
So, now, with plans and without plans, I am residing in Sedona, Arizona, on a fluke. Continuing to rest and rejuvenate here and letting go of all plans of anything in the future and the now. A building of my external life is now taking place by that which organize all of our lives. Something is about to show from all of this in the external of my life. I wait and see. Nothing is the same.